THE HYPHENATED ALL-STARS

Banal pub talk; one of the great traditions of civilised society.

Oh come on … you know EXACTLY what I’m talking about.

One of the core group has one too many and next thing you now they are standing atop a bar leaner, whispering in their own mind, which equates to yelling for all to hear,  “OK OK OK … All Black fifteen made up of players with only four letters or less in the surname” or “Best netball lineup made up solely of players whose christian names are shared with characters in Paul Thomas Anderson movies”.

And we’re off.

Now it must be stressed that what follows wasn’t generated because of a low tolerance to alcohol, but is very much a tribute to its universal spirit.

It was the the signing of Kiwi’s captain James Fisher-Harris on a four-year contract by the NZ Warriors that was the catalyst for a workplace thread as old as time itself. 

What occurred on a google chat, involving Rich, Cam, Fozzie and myself between 4.13pm and 4.44pm on Wednesday the 17th of April 2024 was the genesis for the following 51 names comprising 309 characters & 17 hyphens.

Welcome to the 2024 NRL Hyphenated All-Stars:

STARTING XIII

1. Charnze Nicoll-Klokstad (NZ Warriors) – automatic selection 
2. Josh Addo-Carr (Canterbury Bulldogs) – a double international as a perennial selection in the Nickname XIII 
3. Roger Tuivasa-Sheck (NZ Warriors) – obviously!!!
4. Hamiso Tabaui-Fidow (Dolphins) – another dual international 
5. Dallin Watene-Zelezniak (NZ Warriors) – hello … my name is Dallin Watene-Zeleniak … you have my ball … prepare to be intercepted
6. Chanel Harris-Tavita (NZ Warriors) – my dude suffered a ruptured testicle during a game so he’s essentially the Buck Shelford of league
7. Daly Cherry-Evans (Manly Warringah SeaEagles) – very few hyphenated halfbacks around … who’d have thunk it?!
8. Addin Fonua-Blake (NZ Warriors) – best prop in rugby league; the hyphen is simply a bonus
9. Jeremy Marshall-King (Dolphins) – the second best league player to hail from Whakatane 
10. James Fisher-Harris (Penrith Panthers) – captain and inspiration for this glorious time wasting exercise 
11. Raymond Faitala-Mariner (St George-Illawarra Dragons) – he even plays for a hyphenated club!
12. Kai Pearce-Paul (Newcastle Knights) – from England, spiritual home of the hyphen
13. Regan Campbell-Gillard (Parramatta Eels) – out of position but part of a six middle-forward rotation that will have defenders wishing their mum didn’t stand on tradition

INTERCHANGE BENCH

14. Zach Dockar-Clay (Sydney CIty Roosters) – while this may be a glorious time wasting exercise, this is still a rugby league team and a rugby league team needs a half/hooker hybrid on its bench
15. Nelson Asofa-Solomona (Melbourne Storm) – and I quote “if he’s not good enough for Bellyache he ain’t getting in our team!” … gees that’s bloody harsh Rich, NAS defenitely good enough for our bench .. right?
16. Jared Waerea-Hargreaves (Sydney City Roosters) – assuming he’s not suspended
17. Braden Hamln-Uele (Cronulla-Sutherlands Sharks) – much to Fozzie’s chagrin …  it’s so odd that the nicest man in the world hates the Sharks with the fires of a thousand suns … is this ET PTSD?

ADDENDUM

Fozzie would like it clarified that his Sharks issues are Michael Ennis driven and having nothing to do with the uber-talented and annoyingly handsome human being that is Andrew Etttingshausen – thank you 😁

It’s Super Bowl Time!!!

The day of days in American Sport is almost upon us

Super Bowl LVII kicks off just after midday [NZT] with the top seeds of the AFC and NFC doing battle in Phoenix, Arizona.

It’s the Kansas City Chiefs and the Philadelphia Eagles for the biggest prize of them all – the Vince Lombardi Trophy. 

So who am I picking?

Well, lets answer a few other questions first:

Which quarterback is under more pressure – Patrick Mahomes (KC) or Jalen Hurts (PHI)?

It’s Patrick Mahomes … it’s always Mahomes. Freshly minted as league MVP (no player has won MVP and the Super Bowl in the same season this century), he’s the face of the league, the player who impacts the game with his mere presence and outrageous improvisation.  The pressure is heightened given the impressive nature of the Eagles defence and the unknown status of his ankle injury … Yes, of course he and the Chiefs  are going to say it’s great. It’s his third appearance in a Super Bowl and 2 and 1 reads a lot better than 1 and 2.

Which individual player (quarterbacks excluded) will have the most influence in the outcome of Super Bowl LVII?  

I’m a tight end guy so I’m going to lean into Dallas Goedert here … yes ahead of the more impactful Travis Kelce. No doubt he’ll get his share of targets from Jalen Hurts but he’s also going to have to help blocking or blocking-to-disrupt the outstanding Chiefs defensive end Chris Jones and success in that area may be even more important than his receiving yards.

Which skill group (O-line, secondary, specials team etc) must step up significantly to ensure victory for their team?  

It’s the Chiefs defensive line and their ability to stop the Eagles impressive run game.  Philadelphia have been running the ball very effectively in the postseason and if the Chiefs can’t impact that area, they are in for a long night.

Which kicker would you have more faith in to kick a Super Bowl winning field goal – Harrison Butker (KC) or Jake Elliott (PHI)?

Butker hasn’t been the Butker of seasons past so while he’s got the big game pedigree, I’m leaning toward Jake Elliott, though deep down I think both coaches will be hoping not to have to rely on their kicker to make a clutch play.

Which coaching staff do you trust more – Chiefs or Eagles?

The Eagles could have the best individual coach of either staff in offensive line coach and run-game coordinator Jeff Stoutland, but it is hard to go past the collective (big game) experience of the Chiefs staff, led by Andy Reid and featuring Eric Bieniemy and Steve Spagnuolo.  I would like it noted though that there is a lot to like about the Eagles staff and their collective “don’t-give-a-fats-rats-who-you-are” attitude, led by Nick Sirianni.

And finally, the biggest question of any Super Bowl week, who wins and why?  

I HAVE NO IDEA!!! I have listened to so many podcasts, read so many articles, tried to disseminate every stat I can read and am more befuddled than ever.  Seriously, everything, and I mean everything, seems to point in the Eagles direction, which is then automatically cancelled out by the thought of betting against Patrick Mahomes and Andy Reid.  Those of you who have followed me for a period of time know that I am more than comfortable admitting that I don’t know (already done that) but I’m also a card carrying member of the “defence-wins-championships” club, so I have to lean into that … don’t I? Oh what the heck, here we go …

Prediction: Eagles by five, Haason Reddick wins SuperBowl MVP, Rihanna absolutely slays the Half Time show!

NFL DIVISIONAL ROUND

How good was the opening weekend of the NFL playoffs!  The first five games were absolute belters and they more than made up for the abject snore-fest of that final game.  Those games have set up four cracking encounters as we move into Week 2 of the NFL playoffs – the Divisional Round.

SUNDAY 22 JANUARY 

10.30am – AFC – Jacksonville Jaguars (4) at Kansas City Chiefs (1) 

Last week Jacksonville produced a comeback performance ladened with resilience, belief, skill, calmness and courage.  However if the Jags find themselves that same kind of hole this week, they ain’t coming back, even as good as Doug Petersen is as a coach … and Dougie P is an outstanding coach.  The Chiefs are too stacked on offence, solid enough on defence and are extremely well coached … oh yeah, and they have Patrick Mahomes at quarterback; suspect this is one game too many for a Jaguars side that, if they draft and recruit well – and that’s a massive IF – should be a playoff fixture for the next five years.

Prediction: Chiefs by 17 points

2.15pm – NFC – New York Giants (6) at Philadelphia Eagles (1) 

Gees, those Giants were super-impressive in disposing of the Vikings last week.  However the Vikings,  to quote the great Denny Green, “were who we thought they were” (more fool me for thinking otherwise).  The Eagles have the best record in the NFC for a reason.  They have consistently been the best team in that division (and arguably the NFL) all season.  And while I believe that consistency of performance and overall higher quality of roster will see Philadelphia through to victory, make no mistake that the Giants are going to give them one heck of scrap, maybe to the Eagles detriment in a weeks time

Prediction: Eagles by 4 points 

Image sourced from the NFL twitter account

MONDAY 23 JANUARY 

9am – AFC – Cincinnati Bengals (3) at Buffalo Bills (2)

This game comes down to what your belief in turning negativity to positivity is.  Most sports fans know about what happened the last time these two teams met.  Most sports fans now know the name Damar Hamlin because of that harrowing-for-all-concerned incident three weeks ago.  Mine isn’t a belief; mine is based on personal experience, Turning a negative incident into positive energy wears you out.  At first you don’t notice but over time, the adrenaline boost of energy fades quicker than the week before, then the day before, then the hour before.  That’s my concern for Buffalo more than Cincinnati.  These two teams are so evenly matched, more so with the Bengals offensive line losses of Cappa and Williams, that I think the emotional energy may sap some much needed physical energy late in a close game that will ultimately prove the difference.

Prediction: Bengals by 3 points 

12.30pm – NFC – Dallas Cowboys (5) at San Francisco 49ers (2) 

A confident Cowboys are dangerous Cowboys.  But as it was when assessing the Giants, are we looking at a good football team that beat a poor team?  And in the case of Tampa Bay, one that topped a very, VERY, poor division.  That said, those two teams are a lot more even than many think however I’m happy to back the 49ers on the basis of better coaching and that better system and adaptability within that system will see them pull away late and set the “Sean-Payton-to-Dallas” media frenzy off at a Top-Gun-Maverick-Darkstar-esque mach 10.3 speed.

Prediction: 49ers by 10 points

THOUGHTS, QUESTIONS & OBSERVATIONS – DAY 3 NFL PLAYOFFS

Here’s my final lot of thoughts/observations/questions from the final game of Wildcard Weekend:

– Watched the whole game … felt so dirty after it, had to have a loooong shower (really struggle watching both these teams at the best of times)

– Some of the early playing calling by Dallas seem more about massaging Daks ego than setting up the game; just lean into Pollard and Elliott from the get-go

– Tampa Bay play calling was just as ordinary from the outset too

– This result is just another reason to avoid First Take

– I know he signed up for it & is paid well for it, but still feel for Brett Maher; a bad day at work is a bad work no matter how public or private

– Joe Buck, Troy Aitken & Lisa Salters are a great broadcast team

– Micah Parsons is a menace

– Hope Russel Gage is ok; that didn’t look great

– That version of Dallas could, possibly, maybe, make things awkward for San Francisco next week?

THOUGHTS, QUESTIONS & OBSERVATIONS – DAY 2 NFL PLAYOFFS

Here’s another list of NFL randomness from the Monday (NZT) games of Wildcard Weekend:

– Those were three really good games today; actually all five have delivered to this point … no pressure Cowboys & Bucs

– Is Brian Daboll the Coach of the Year? Its probably going to be Eagles coach Nick Sirianni, but just wanted to put it out there; Doug Pedersen a contender too

– Some folk believe that Vikings loss was very Vikings in nature. That’s a more than a bit insulting to the Giants & these Vikings PS I wish I was aware of ALL the analytics about how historically poor Minnesota were as a 13 win team heading into the post-season … quite extraordinary. That game was a big win for football numbers geeks

– Tie-dye beanies are awesome!

– Having former NFL officials as part of the commentary team add so much value to the broadcast; Gene Steratore a standout but all have been excellent

– Derek Carr on Miami … Super Bowl contender?

– Daniel Jones has always been an outstanding athlete, but his decision making has improved out of sight … the Daboll factor again?

– How did the officials miss the blatant push in the back by Bengals Markus Bailey on Ravens TE Mark Andrews during the Sam Hubbard fumble return? Bailey appeared to give himself up after he made the play

– Those O-line losses for Cincinnati look bigger than first thought. Burrow was great quite often today but took some sacks (four to be precise) and some really good DCs will be looking at that and scheming like mad

THOUGHTS, QUESTIONS & OBSERVATIONS – DAY 1 NFL PLAYOFFS

What a fun first day of the NFL playoffs. Here’s a couple of thoughts, observations, questions from Sunday (NZT) games in no discernable order:

– Coaching matters in all sport but the difference between bad, good and great seems to be hyper-exacerbated in the NFL

– While it’s right to praise Brock Purdy, coach Kyle Shanahan deserves a boat load of acknowledgement for his body of work in San Fran with five (or is it six?) different starting QBs during his time in the Bay

– Is Doug Pedersen the most poised coach in these playoffs? The 4th & 1 play to set up the field goal was masterful. The recognition, the timeout; the adjustment, the calm … I repeat, masterful

– The mental & intestinal fortitude shown by Trevor Lawrence was off the charts

– The trust and belief in Trevor Lawrence from his coaches and team-mates is right up there too

– Seattle found a hole or two in that 49ers D … just saying

– If you’re Sean Payton, which QB do you want to work with the most? Surely Justin Herbert would excite him more than Russell Wilson or Kyler Murray or Dak Prescott

– I hope Geno Smith gets a nice contract from Seattle. He was very immature when he came into the league with my Jets, but he’s clearly learnt a lot over time & his acknowledging of the past and sincere humbleness is very endearing

– What did Joey Bosa say to that official? Are we talking Crash-Davis-to-the-umpire in Bull Durham territory?

– Has Brandon Staley landed in Thailand yet? And was Kliff waiting for him at the arrivals gate?

NFL WILDCARD WEEKEND

Playoff time in the NFL is upon us and I, for one, can not wait.

Much like FIFA and the World Cup, the National Football League’s off-field goings-on can make you cringe and question frequently, however the product that is presented at this time of the year is highly entertaining, engaging and presented brilliantly. 

And even though my beloved, yet highly infuriating New York Jets have missed the playoffs … again … (sighs)  … I will be there with bells on from the first game tomorrow until the clock runs out at the end of the Super Bowl.

Image sourced from the NFL’s Twitter account

So here’s my predictions for week one of the NFL playoffs, more commonly known as Wildcard Weekend:

SUNDAY 15 JANUARY 

10.30am – NFC – Seattle Seahawks (7) at San Francisco 49ers (2) 

The 49ers should have too many weapons in this one.  The cliche is “defence wins championships” and San Francisco has an elite defensive unit.  Throw in offensive talents like Deebo Samuel, George Kittle and Christian McCaffrey, to name but three, and a head coach who appears to have learned some pretty harsh playoff lessons throughout his coaching career and everything points to the home side.  However this Seattle team is double-tough so it aint gonna be a walk in the park for San Fran by any stretch.

Prediction: 49ers by 10 points but the Seahawks will keep it spicy right the way through

2.15pm – AFC – Los Angeles Chargers (5) at Jacksonville Jaguars (4) 

Toughest game to pick for the whole weekend for me.  While all the focus will be on two great young quarterbacks in Justin Herbert and Trevor Lawrence, both in their first NFL playoff appearance, this is all about coaching and Jags coach Doug Petersen is simply a way better NFL coach than his Chargers opposite Brandon Staley, who could find himself without a job if they lose this game.  The Jags will be solid and methodical; the Chargers brash and bold and I like solid and methodical … but only just.

Prediction: Jaguars by 5 points

MONDAY 16 JANUARY

7am – AFC – Miami Dolphins (7) at Buffalo Bills (2) 

Bills at home where they’ve only lost once this season, boosted by news of Damar Hamlin’s release from hospital and welcoming a Miami team starting a third-string rookie at quarterback; it’s really easy to see this game being done and dusted by halftime.  

Prediction: Bills by 21 points and that feels conservative 

10.30am – NFC – New York Giants (6) at Minnesota Vikings (3) 

Two teams with first year coaches who have made a huge impact on their teams; a massive impact in the case of Giants coach Brian Doball.  This one initially stood out as a potential upset but Vikings have shown more resilience than normal this season so, against my better judgement and ignoring historically poor performances in games of significance by quarterback Kirk Cousins, the Vikings should be the more complete team of the two.

Prediction: Vikings by 8 points but this could also easily ended up Giant by six or being an atrocious game that has to go to overtime due to both sides inability to handle the moment

2.15pm – AFC – Baltimore Ravens (6) at Cincinnati Bengals (3) 

The Bengals have shown so much poise in the second half of the season as they powered their way into the postseason and while the Ravens defence will go full speed from first snap to last, it’s hard to imagine them negating the Bengals offence, lead by Joe Burrow and Ja’Marr Chase, for an entire game in Cincinnati.  The Ravens might get back-up Tyler Huntley back to start at quarterback (it was possible but not confirmed at the time of writing this) but he’s battling an injury in his throwing shoulder so that’s a pretty big might.

Prediction: Bengals by 14 points though as I type this I wonder if , like the Buffalo prediction, that’s being overly conservative

TUESDAY 17 JANUARY 

2.15pm – NFC – Dallas Cowboys (5) at Tampa Bay Buccaneers (4) 

Real simple for me – if it’s close heading into the final quarter, the Buccaneers win because that’s what Tom Brady does and the Cowboys don’t.  Neither of these teams push my NFL-loving-button so I wish the officials all the best for the game.

Prediction: The less of two evils, the Buccaneers by 3 points courtesy of yet-another Tom Brady game-winning fourth-quarter drive

(Originally posted on http://www.TodayFM.co.nz on Saturday 14 January 2023 … I just forgot to put it up here at the same time)

Just Hear Me Out …

“If you have something to say, say it; otherwise keep your mouth shut”

I can’t remember how old I was when this pearl of wisdom was imparted to me, but I am reasonably confident my age was a single digit number.

The benefits of when this advice has been heeded significantly outweighs the times they weren’t.

However those occasions when this crucial bit of knowledge was ignored are seared into my memory.

Much like Sunday’s 5.30pm media call should be burning holes in the frontal lobes of New Zealand Rugby CEO Mark Robinson.

Seriously, what was he and/or his media advisors thinking?

Seven days after being manhandled/dominated/outclassed – pick your description, they are all apt for the Mbombela beatdown by the Springboks –  the All Blacks delivered the kind of performance that is befitting of … well … the All Blacks, and at one of the most daunting environments in all of rugby, the famed Ellis Park in Johannesburg.

Common sense says let that vibe ride; let the light shine.

Revel at images of Sam Cane holding aloft the Freedom Cup being beamed around the globe.

Marvel at the continuously stellar play; the undeniable relentlessness of Ardie Savea.

Rejoice in the delightfully uplifting story of debutante Fletcher Newell and his family.

Embrace this moment of positivity.

Nope!

Lets announce, roughly five hours after the final whistle, that there will be a media call.

Let’s set the rumour mill about our coach swirling again and watch it churn for another six hours.

Then lets front said media call and says absolutely nothing of substance.

Mark Robinson undermined everyone & everything done in association with the All Blacks victory.

What he said wasn’t even worthy of a press release, let alone a full media opportunity.

Read the room for goodness sake.

It’s not like it wasn’t an easy read too.

It was right there, written on the feature wall in bold type, font size 144.

KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT.

And Now For Something A Little Different

Blue Sky Studios closed on April 10th last year, but last week we got a fitting goodbye a year on.  Scrat, the star of a running gag that carried through five Ice Age movies finally chose to eat the acorn that he so hilariously tried to retain/regain/store/protect throughout that same cinematic quintet.  Blue Sky Studios made 13 feature films, though I must acknowledge having not watched “The Peanuts Movie” and “Ferdinand” and only half of “Spies in Disguise” which is why the latter in particular won’t appear in this, my five favourite Blue Sky Studios movies. And while it is in no discernible order, that only relates to four of the five because I do have an out-and-out favourite on this occasion:

Ice Age – Continental Drift (2012) – this is the one that the Yalden family has watched the most together and it’s just delightful.  It’s the fourth instalment of the Ice Age series and while not the best, it’s definitely the most fun including the best villain of the five movies – Captain Gutt – gleefully voice by Peter Dinklage while the Wanda Sykes/John Leguizamo dynamic as Granny and Sid the Sloth is hilariously cool

Horton Hears A Who (2008) – so it’s Doctor Suess and they had me at that but here’s the voice cast … Jim Carrey, Steve Carell, Will Arnett, Seth Rogan, Isla Fisher, Amy Poehler, Jonah Hill and AND the great Carol Burnett … and that’s all you really need to know. It’s awesome!

Rio (2011) – this is just so vibrant in terms of the music, the colours, the propulsion of the film even if the storyline pretty simplistic, it’s still done really, really well, and its features our own Jermaine Clement who plays an evil cockatoo named Nigel cos nothing say bad guy like a cockatoo 

Epic (2013) – Chris Wedge returns to direct for the first time since the first two Blue Sky Studios movies and nails it.  Visually very different to everything that preceded it, mainly because we are dealing with characters with human features for the first time since the original Blue Sky Studios movie and the animation had advanced massively too.  It’s based on a really cool children’s book by William Joyce called “The Leafmen and the Brave Good Bugs” (Joyce co-wrote the screenplay) features a score composed by the great Danny Elfman and is a great action, adventure, animated feature.  And finally …

Ice Age (2002) – the original, the best, my favourite and I try desperately hard not to have favourites in this sort of thing.  It’s the best story for me and it’s the most emotional of the BSS films because of that story (the baby Manny, Sid and Diego find was because a mother sacrifices herself to save her child) Its very grounded in the serious task that this group of misfits undertakes which is to return the child to “its herd” and at the same time said misfits form their own family.  The comedy hits, the drama hits, the voice-casting is bang on and it’s so easy to see why this spawned four sequels and established Blue Sky Studios on the animated film landscape.

Why Manchester City will win the 2021/2022 English Premier League

One of the features of the Saturday morning radio show I host on Today FM, is a segment called “The Duel”. It a debate between producer extraordinaire Brad “B-Rad” Lewis and my good self on a topic du jour. Yesterday morning (Saturday 23 April 2022) our subject was the following question – Who is going to win the English Premier League – Liverpool or Manchester City? Brad, proud Liverpool supporter that is he, took the Liverpool side of the discussion and I the Manchester City point of view. Below is the argument I put forward for Pep Guardiola’s team.

NB – Since the following was broadcast, Manchester City has beaten Watford 5-1 to move four points clear of Liverpool, who play tomorrow morning (Monday 25 April 2022 NZT) against Everton at Anfield.

“Right you went first last week so I’ll go first today which is where Manchester City is going to finish and here’s why:

1. Manchester City have the lead – yes it only one point but it is still one point more than Liverpool and I’d rather be leading, even if it is only by the barest of margins, than chasing at the back end of title battle
2. The Pressure – Liverpool is chasing a quadruple and with that comes an extraordinary spotlight in which every selection, every move, every contest is micro examined to an disturbing degree 
3. The Schedule – Manchester City have great spacing of their remaining games. They go Saturday (EPL – Watford at home) Tuesday (UCL – Real Madrid at home) Saturday (EPL – Leeds away) Wednesday (UCL – Real Madrid away) then their last three EPL games on consecutive Sundays (home vs Newcastle, away vs West Ham, home vs Aston Villa) 
4. The Strength of Schedule – The best ranked of Manchester City’s remaining EPL opponents is 7th placed West Ham; the rest currently sit 11th, 15th, 16th & second-to-last AND finally
5. The Strength of Schedule! – Like Man City, Liverpool have to play a two-leg Champions League semi-final but also the FA Cup final against Chelsea at Wembley – another significant and emotive game – and the coup-de-grace, my mob, the Jekyll’n’Hyde of the English Premier League nay English football in totality, the magnificent-against-the-best-teams, outhouse-against-bottom-third-of-the-league-teams, my equal parts beloved and uber-frustrating Tottenham Hotspurs and Brad Lewis, loyal Liverpool supporter that you are, I know that deep down in places that you don’t talk about at parties, you don’t want Tottenham at Anfield, you don’t need Tottenham at Anfield, not with the title and history on the line.