Banal pub talk; one of the great traditions of civilised society.

Oh come on … you know EXACTLY what I’m talking about.

One of the core group has one too many and next thing you now they are standing atop a bar leaner, whispering in their own mind, which equates to yelling for all to hear,  “OK OK OK … All Black fifteen made up of players with only four letters or less in the surname” or “Best netball lineup made up solely of players whose christian names are shared with characters in Paul Thomas Anderson movies”.

And we’re off.

Now it must be stressed that what follows wasn’t generated because of a low tolerance to alcohol, but is very much a tribute to its universal spirit.

It was the the signing of Kiwi’s captain James Fisher-Harris on a four-year contract by the NZ Warriors that was the catalyst for a workplace thread as old as time itself. 

What occurred on a google chat, involving Rich, Cam, Fozzie and myself between 4.13pm and 4.44pm on Wednesday the 17th of April 2024 was the genesis for the following 51 names comprising 309 characters & 17 hyphens.

Welcome to the 2024 NRL Hyphenated All-Stars:

STARTING XIII

  1. Charnze Nicoll-Klokstad (NZ Warriors) – automatic selection 
  2. Josh Addo-Carr (Canterbury Bulldogs) – a double international as a perennial selection in the Nickname XIII 
  3. Roger Tuivasa-Sheck (NZ Warriors) – obviously!!!
  4. Hamiso Tabaui-Fidow (Dolphins) – another dual international 
  5. Dallin Watene-Zelezniak (NZ Warriors) – hello … my name is Dallin Watene-Zeleniak … you have my ball … prepare to be intercepted
  6. Chanel Harris-Tavita (NZ Warriors) – my dude suffered a ruptured testicle during a game so he’s essentially the Buck Shelford of league
  7. Daly Cherry-Evans (Manly Warringah SeaEagles) – very few hyphenated halfbacks around … who’d have thunk it?!
  8. Addin Fonua-Blake (NZ Warriors) – best prop in rugby league; the hyphen is simply a bonus
  9. Jeremy Marshall-King (Dolphins) – the second best league player to hail from Whakatane 
  10. James Fisher-Harris (Penrith Panthers) – captain and inspiration for this glorious time wasting exercise 
  11. Raymond Faitala-Mariner (St George-Illawarra Dragons) – he even plays for a hyphenated club!
  12. Kai Pearce-Paul (Newcastle Knights) – from England, spiritual home of the hyphen
  13. Regan Campbell-Gillard (Parramatta Eels) – out of position but part of a six middle-forward rotation that will have defenders wishing their mum didn’t stand on tradition

INTERCHANGE BENCH

  1. Zach Dockar-Clay (Sydney CIty Roosters) – while this may be a glorious time wasting exercise, this is still a rugby league team and a rugby league team needs a half/hooker hybrid on its bench
  2. Nelson Asofa-Solomona (Melbourne Storm) – and I quote “if he’s not good enough for Bellyache he ain’t getting in our team!” … gees that’s bloody harsh Rich, NAS defenitely good enough for our bench .. right?
  3. Jared Waerea-Hargreaves (Sydney City Roosters) – assuming he’s not suspended
  4. Braden Hamln-Uele (Cronulla-Sutherlands Sharks) – much to Fozzie’s chagrin …  it’s so odd that the nicest man in the world hates the Sharks with the fires of a thousand suns … is this ET PTSD?

ADDENDUM

Fozzie would like it clarified that his Sharks issues are Michael Ennis driven and having nothing to do with the uber-talented and annoyingly handsome human being that is Andrew Etttingshausen – thank you 😁